The Filthy Birds and The WRETCHED Bees
by SqueekyPhr33k
Summary: In honor of Valentine’s Day. Quickly written. Pretty horrible. Oneshot.


**The Filthy Birds and Those WRETCHED Bees.**

In honor of Valentine's Day. Quickly written. Pretty horrible. Oneshot.

A/N: Written really recent. Like...twenty minutes ago. Mmyep.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zim. Shows where wishful thinking gets you.

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February Fourteenth.

That time of year again. The time when humans passed out their love meats to the ones they cared for.

Hopefully nothing quite as unexpected and threatening would happen to Zim this time, since the whole Tak incident. At least, that's what Zim hoped. Dib, on the other hand was still looking for a way to destroy Zim, and the anniversary of Zim almost being defeated was here, taunting him that more than a full year had went by since Zim had shown his ugly green head. Of course, that also meant the anniversary of Earth's almost downfall, but Dib chose to ignore that fact.

Dib went walking home from school, not too far from Zim, who of course, was glancing behind him every moment to make sure Dib didn't do anything while his back was turned. Gaz had went the other way, trying to avoid her brother, she seemed extra annoyed with his existence today. Dib didn't mind, he would just use this chance to take some more notes on his arch nemesis.

They passed the park, where no one would have seen it, if it hadn't been making horrible noises.

In honor of Valentine's Day, there, of course, was a love-struck teenage couple making out in the park. Dib shook his head and only averted his eyes. Though he was an intelligent boy, he was still a little embarrassed by all the facts of human life, and how someday he will eventually, find a girl. But in the meantime, he chose to stay away from that part of human life, he felt it might distract him from saving the earth.

And apparently it was distracting. Very distracting, to a certain alien.

He had stopped dead in his tracks, and gaped with a part of his tongue hanging out, obviously confused and shocked at this sudden display of human nature.

"What...form of human ritual is THAT?! Why are they trying to eat their faces? Does it provide nutrients?! Tell me!" Zim glared over to Dib.

"You're kidding." Dib stated, obviously knowing Zim was not.

"I know not of this thing to do with kittens. You still did not answer my question. Answer it. Now!" Zim howled, still unnerved from the teenagers still enthralled with each other. "Is it a fight? Are they trying to suffocate one another...they're so close...This is a unique battling technique I have never come across."

"Obviously." Dib said, deadpan. "Look Zim, I've already had the birds and the bees talk and I'm not going to–"

"BEES?!?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF THE BEES?!?! And the birds? Are they allies?" Zim nervously glanced around as an obese bird sat in a tree. "How do you defend yourself from the birds and the bees?"

Dib stifled a laugh. "You don't." He said before he could stop himself.

"You don't? Is it some sort of truce you have with them?! I must know! I despise the bees. And if these birds would join me in the fight against the bees...I could defeat them...after of course, I destroy the humans. Which I've been coming closer to every day. You should know, Dib, you're the only one of your kind to take interest in such things. But, this new information about birds and bees may prove useful to me, I may defeat your world quicker than ever before!!"

Dib couldn't help but snicker as he turned to continue to walk.. "With...the birds and the bees? You're going to destroy the human race? It's something that keeps the race going–" Dib stopped himself, hoping Zim didn't hear, he glanced over his shoulder, where Zim was staring at him perplexed.

"Hmm..." Zim rubbed his chin, in that stare that he always does. "Keeps the race going, huh? I do not see how..." He gestured over to the couple still sucking face. "THIS is supposed to keep the race going...prevents famine and disease perhaps?"

"Some studies show that." Dib laughed, the entire subject of Zim's curiosity was amusing him for some reason.

"We will continue this later. For now I am going to research this with the resources of my base, and I will discuss this with you later." Zim dismissed him with a wave of his hand and began his march to his home.

Dib shook his head, he glanced back to where the couple was and was shocked to see they had stopped and the girl proceeded to yell, "Pervert!" in Dib's direction.

"But, he–never mind." Dib went home, always seeming to be the blame for everyone else.

**NEXT DAY AT SKOOL**

Dib sat in his seat, curious as to why Zim was not in his desk.

Class begun, as Ms. Bitters began another endless lecture on nothing important to do with the curriculum, when suddenly the door slowly came open with a creak.

"Show yourself, you wretched child." Ms. Bitters hissed in the direction of the door, as she straightened standing beside the chalkboard.

Surprisingly, Zim cautiously came through, looking mostly to the ground.

"Zim you're late. What's your excuse?" Ms. Bitters scowled from the chalk board.

Zim glanced up for a moment and regretted quickly for doing so.

"The...filthy...birds and those WRETCHED...bees!!!" Zim trembled, obviously traumatized.

Ms. Bitters dropped her piece of chalk and it shattered loudly, as everyone was silent, unsure of what Zim had just said. Dib covered his face as he was fighting so hard to stay quiet while he was laughing hard. Only Dib knew that Zim had indeed researched the birds and the bees and was shocked to find out parts of earthly life.

"You could have just said it was...personal." Zita spat, as being one of the few who understood what he meant, and a little disgusted.

Zim glanced up to her, and screamed, covering his eyes. "I cannot look at you humans any longer! You all disgust me! More now than ever before!! THE HORROR OF WHAT'S IN YOUR PANTS!!!" He then let out a shrill cry and went running out of the classroom.

A few kids glanced down in their seats, trying to see what Zim was so shocked from. Dib was rolling on the floor now, not holding back his laughter any longer. Ms. Bitters cleared her throat and turned back the board, picking up another piece of chalk, silently writing an assignment.

"Ms...Bitters?"

"Yes...The letter M?" Ms. Bitters asked.

"I think Dib's finally cracked." The class looked over to where the boy was helping himself up, still giggling here and then.

"No, I'm fine now. Ahem." He let out a final snicker as Zim was seen from the classroom window running frantically down the road his arms waving wildy.

"NO MORE UGLY PARTS!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!! NOOOOOO!!!" Zim's fading screams where heard off screen.

**END.**


End file.
